


I'll swallow you whole.

by bladeCleaner



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:15:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1778767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladeCleaner/pseuds/bladeCleaner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You fall for the wrong girl.<br/>You are not your ill-fated love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll swallow you whole.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lantadyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lantadyme/gifts).



> Okay so...lanta had this hswc prompt. It was this warsan shire quote:  
> "I’m not sad, but the boys who are looking for sad girls always find me. I’m not a girl anymore and I’m not sad anymore. You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn't he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole."
> 
> It's a year later. I've had the story in my files for ages and I've finally finished it I think. I hope you like it lanta.

You fall for the wrong girl.

You fall for the wrong girl _entirely_ , and it's terrible, it's amazing, it's a woeful state of affairs. You want her so much as to nearly be blinded every time you look at her. She's gangly limbs and awkward emotional deflection and she is the _worst_ , she is going to be the death of you.

You chase after her whitely anyway. No one ever said you were in the market for self-preservation.

Later on you would wonder which was worse; that she let you in her quadrants or that she didn't even realize what she had done to you once it was over.

\--

You don your orange sari. It's a glittering billowing sheet of fabric, embroidered and nearly golden in the daylight. You've never been afraid of the sun.

Before you check your pesterchum you do the usual maintenance rounds. The colorful decorations you've spread around the patch of desert you occupy are still in place. Your room looks like a cloud of pigment overcooked and exploded all over it, leaving behind scraps of cloth and books. You trim your trees and water your plants; a lumberjack's job is never done.

When the beeping of your husktop can no longer be ignored by flipping the pages of The Setting Is Terribly Bereft Of Color Or Excitement And The Protagonist A Young Tealblood Is Clumsy Beyond What Is Plausible For Surviving Birthing Trials And A Blueblood Rainbow Drinker Fall In Ill-Fated Concupiscence To The Dismay Of Everyone Involved, you sigh and answer.

AG: Fussyfangs!!!!!!!!

She loses an eye and an arm, and you lose more friends than she can count with her good hand. She alienates nearly everyone else you know and you stand by her still, you patch her up, you wrap her wounds.

In return she crushes your blood pusher into so much fine grain.

\--

You know it's not her burden to shoulder. You know this and yet you cannot bring yourself to even look at her. Thief, and you can believe it. You want to laugh. You did it all for her, not for the chance to be with her. She didn't know. She can kiss whoever she wants.

But you can't do this anymore. Pretend, as she eats your heart on a web.

She spirals out of control and you know that as a pale tether you were tenuous at best and amateur at worst.

You cry and you let go.

You've always been better at handling loss than her. 

\--

When you awaken

 

When you die when you are once again _REBORN_ when you live

 

When you _BECOME_

 

You swallow

 

the sun. You stand there, relentless, back straight as a lightning rod on a roof, eyes blazing. You are no longer sad, you are no longer someone who needs to be loved and kissed. The fiery heat of the star tunneling a void in your belly has burned your skin into something untouchable. There is a touch of fate about you that cannot be replicated, smeared away with forced kisses. You are alone. You are beautiful. You are merciless. What was left of your heart you ate until the blood soaked your stomach, mixing together with sun’s fire. You have never been whole.

There is no need to chase illuminations anymore.

At the pyre of your idols you wept for the lights you lost. But you are no longer weak. No longer needing, a plant turning it’s stem to light. You are a cosmos; all-consuming and creating and growing. You are the space that holds the stars, an infinite gulping of every shade of darkness.

  
There is nothing you cannot do anymore.


End file.
